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January 31, 2011 / TerranceTheTrailerTrasher

Japanese Shark Kidnappers of the Future!

My thoughts on four movies that haven’t been made yet.

NANJING HEROES – Thirteen young prostitutes help save compatriots rampaging Japanese troops in the 1937 Nanjing massacre that left 150,000 civilians dead. Current Oscar nominee Christian Bale plays an American priest who helps a number a Chinese escape death.

@ – Are they kidding? I admit, I didn’t know where Nanjing was when I read this. I never heard of the massacre. I’m that American audience who’s not interested. Not only because I’m not familiar with the event or the place, but it’s like way before my time and doesn’t affect my life or anybody else’s I know. So they think they can remedy that by throwing in an American hero played by an Anglo movie star? If I did want to see Chinese being rescued from rampaging Japanese, I wouldn’t want Christian Bale riding in on George Washington’s horse to take charge. That’s pathetic pandering.

BILL WARRINGTON’S LAST CHANCE – A 79-year-old man kidnaps his 14-year-old granddaughter for a road trip and leaves clues for his estranged family to unite in effort to find them. Based on the winner of Amazon’s Breakthrough Novel award for unknown, unpublished authors.

@@ – Well, quite frankly, I could see why the author would have trouble getting a story like that published through traditional routes. And I’m guessing the judges of Amazon’s contest were old people who had nothing better to do with their time and would gravitate toward a story with a septuagenarian protagonist. I’m in no hurry to see this. Maybe when I’m 79.

1884: YESTERDAY’S FUTURE – A film made in 1848 under steam power tells the tale of laughable imperialist derring-do and espionage set in a futuristic 1884. Terry Gilliam is serving as a “consulting producer” on the animated film which will feature voices of former Monty Python members.

@@ – Mixed bag on this one. I absolutely adore the idea of looking at the past’s ridiculous vision of the future. However, I have no idea what “imperialist derring-do and espionage” means as far as where the film will go. It makes me think it’s going to spew off on a crazy, uncontrolled journey through the mind of a witty genius like Gilliam. And when you have this premise that there might have been a way to capture moving pictures before the invention of moving pictures, why use animation to emulate that? Sounds self-defeating. Or sounds like they’re really more interested in random bits of “imperialist derring-do.”

BAIT – A disturbed woman holds a group of American students hostage in shark-infested waters. Set in Spain. Screenplay by Bret Easton Ellis. Starts shooting this spring.

@@@@ – This log line didn’t really have me until I reached the “shark-infested waters” part. Bingo! That’s different. That’s whack. That’s something I definitely want to see.

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2 Comments

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  1. thejamminjabber / Jan 31 2011 3:20 pm

    Bait is just crazy enough to work. Ellis wrote that?

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