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December 24, 2010 / TerranceTheTrailerTrasher

Four Movies That Should Quit While They’re Not Ahead

Here are four of the crappiest ideas I’ve heard recently for movies that are actually being made.

YOU’RE NOT YOUHilary Swank is co-producing this story about a woman suffering from a fatal illness and an aimless young woman who enters her life as a personal caregiver. Alcon Entertainment has hired a new writer to do a rewrite after the project has been in development for more than a year.

@ – A woman with a fatal illness who does… what? An aimless young woman who enters her life and does… what? I don’t hear any conflict. It sounds like the reason the studio is having so much trouble developing this one is there is absolutely no story to it.

SUGAR – A young woman suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder lives on the streets of Venice Beach. It’s an indie drama from a first-time writer-director, loosely based on his own youth.

@ – Again, I have to say… And…? What happens? Am I supposed to pay money to sit in a theatre to watch a homeless person live on the streets in Venice Beach? I could just go to Venice Beach and watch it happen in real life. At least I’d be outdoors. Now, if the protagonist were trying to live on the “streets” of Venice, Italy, they might have something.

WHERE RAINBOWS END – A pair of rebellious teenagers are separated when one of them moves from Dublin to America. Based on a novel by Cecelia Ahern.

@ – And then what happens? Never mind, I don’t really care that much. Unless the title is referring to a double rainbow.

RED MOON – A werewolf uprising in an alternate post-9/11 xenophobic world where long-persecuted Lycans live among humans. Based on a book proposal by Benjamin Percy.

@ – You think I’m nuts for reviewing movies before they’re even made? Hollywood is making movies out of books that haven’t even been written! They’re that desperate for the next TWILIGHT now that that franchise is winding down. I can’t tell if this story is going to try to say something metaphorically about Islamophobia or if it’s just going to be a bunch of cool werewolf shit. From that description, I don’t think the author knows yet, either.

If you ran a studio, would you greenlight any of these pictures? Leave a comment and have a Merry Christmas knowing Santa isn’t bringing you any of these turkeys this year!

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