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December 22, 2010 / TerranceTheTrailerTrasher

Chris Pine, Chris Pine, Cinderella and Thor

The new Captain Kirk is unstoppable, currently working on two upcoming films. Plus, a fire victim gets amnesia and terrorists go skiing near Sundance. Here are my advance reviews of four films that have not been made yet.

WELCOME TO PEOPLEChris Pine (UNSTOPPABLE) returns home after his estranged father’s unexpected death and finds out he has an older sister he never knew about, played by Elizabeth Banks, and a 12-year-old nephew. Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci (STAR TREK, TRANSFORMERS) co-wrote the script and the film will be Kurtzman’s directorial debut. DreamWorks is targeting a PG-13 rating.

@@@@ – Sounds like a personal, sweet, labor-of-love project for the tentpole writing team that I’d expect to see coming out of Fox Searchlight, not DreamWorks. They probably have the writing chops for something small and intimate and the premise fills me with wonder about where it will go. However, if it goes anywhere near the triteness of something like LIFE AS WE KNOW IT, I won’t touch it with a ten foot pole. I’ll be able to tell by the trailer.

THIS MEANS WARChris Pine (STAR TREK) and Tom Hardy (INCEPTION) are best friends and international spies. But when they fall in love with the same woman, they declare war on each other. Reese Witherspoon and Angela Bassett also star in this action romantic comedy directed by McG (CHARLIE’S ANGELS).

@@@ – Very clever premise. Reminiscent of MR. AND MRS. SMITH in tone, I’m guessing. McG knows how to do this stuff. I think this will be highly enjoyable.

TRAP FOR CINDERELLA – A wealthy heiress and her penniless friend are trapped in a beach house at a French resort when it is gutted by a fire. Only one of them survives, burned beyond recognition and with amnesia, so she doesn’t know which one she is. This remake of an obscure, X-rated 1965 French film, from a novel by the author of A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT, is set to start shooting in February with director Iain Softley (SKELETON KEY).

@@ – So she’ll probably have some internal moral struggle about whether it’s right to claim to be the wealthy one and take all her money if there’s a chance she’s not really her. Not the most agonizing dilemma considering she’s been BURNT TO A CRISP! Even if she is the pauper, she’ll make a mint suing the resort. If they give her a full skin transplant and she comes out looking like Katherine Heigl, I’m so outta there.

THE LIONS OF LUCERNE – The president is kidnapped by terrorists while skiing outside Park City, Utah. The kidnappers publicly demand $500 million, but privately they insist an anti-fossil fuel bill in Congress be killed. First in a hoped-for action-thriller franchise introducing Scot Harvath, a former Navy SEAL involved in counter-terrorism ops, based on a series of novels by Brad Thor.

@ – First of all, Brad Thor sounds like a made-up name. And why is Park City so prominently specified in the description? Are the kidnappers also demanding their pro-fossil fuel indie movie be screened at Sundance? The only thing that can save this far-fetched story is if the bad guys’ ring leader turns out to be Dick Cheney. Means. Motive. I can see it.

Any of these sound interesting to you? Leave a comment!

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