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December 15, 2010 / TerranceTheTrailerTrasher

Poe Goes Wild with a Zebra in Space

So they’re gonna make a movie about a hacker, a soccer team, a forgotten space mission and Mel Gibson. How do I think they’ll turn out?

ELIZA GRAVES – Loosely based on an Edgar Allan Poe short story about a Harvard Medical School graduate who takes a job at an insane asylum, unaware it has been taken over by its occupants. Oren Peli (PARANORMAL ACTIVITY) directs. Potential real-life mental patient Mel Gibson is one of the producers.

@@@@ – I totally love this premise. The jury is still out on Peli. It’s one thing to get astronomically lucky shooting a video in your house that becomes a big hit. We have yet to see what he can accomplish making a real movie like AREA 51.

HACKERS GONE WILD – Ripped from the headlines, or at least from a June 12 Rolling Stone magazine article, this movie will tell the true story of the largest identity theft caper in U.S. history. Young hacker Albert Gonzalez steals and sells 170 million credit cards, breaks into Fortune 500 computers and simultaneously serves as an informant for the Secret Service cybercrimes task force.

@@@ – Wait a minute, there really are federal cyber police? Jessi Slaughter’s dad wasn’t messing around! I bet this movie ends with the guy getting backtraced and consequences will never be the same.

APOLLO 18 – Fifth sequel in the franchise that began with Ron Howard’s APOLLO 13 — No, that’s not right. This is a found-footage mockumentary of a hitherto undisclosed Apollo mission that reveals disturbing evidence of other life forms. Set to start shooting this month with Timur Bekmambetov (WANTED, DAY WATCH) producing.

@@ – I despise found-footage mockumentaries. However, if this one is made to look like a documentary made in the 1970s, when the real Apollo missions ended, it might turn out to be more like ZELIG (which would be good) than DISTRICT 9, CLOVERFIELD, THE LAST EXORCISM, BLAIR WITCH, etc. (which would be really, really, really bad).

ZEBRAS – Australian director Bruce Beresford (DRIVING MISS DAISY, BREAKER MORANT) is in pre-production on the true story of a music producer who forms a successful soccer team out of youths from the ghettos of Soweto, South Africa. He dubs the team the Zebras because there are black and white players.

@ – Luckily, I didn’t catch soccer fever when the rest of the world was obsessing over the World Cup earlier this year. I’m not into sports at all. I don’t care that it’s a true story. I don’t care that the team was founded by a music producer — unless it was Phil Spector. And frankly, the team’s un-PC name that the film gets its title from is shockingly a tad offensive and decidedly un-clever.

Do any of these movies-to-be drive you wild? Leave a comment!

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